he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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