I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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