Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
