Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
