Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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