God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
