i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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