I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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