Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
