I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
