The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
