your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
