New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
