I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
