this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
