ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
