just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
