i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
