I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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