Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
