I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
