we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
