if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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