i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
