Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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