So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
