just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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