hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
