At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
