She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
