imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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