The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
