I don't remember. Are we still dating?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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