ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
