I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
