Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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