I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
