The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
