I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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