You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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