Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
