He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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