About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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