Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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