That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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