So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
