She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
