wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
