There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
