He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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