so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
