he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
