the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
